testing, testing.  is this thing still on?

i won't pretend to catch up the last three years.  suffice to say, the zombie vikings were a surprise, but i won't bore you with the details.

gthedamned, aka vinoslinger rolls on, still slinging vino; more each year, it seems, is a ticket to steady employment.  children are great, wife is great, house is far from ant proof but still wonderful. 

writing has been sporadic at best.  perhaps you noticed.

vodka tonics, now, and wine.  beer.  good (not great) whiskey, perhaps venturing soon into whisky.  thinking about taking up golf to better disguise myself as a native tennesseean with money/ambition.

hair decreasing on top, but not to the point i can tell via medicine cabinet mirror.

wife looking awesome due to already looking awesome and zumba.

i'm  not leaving out the bad stuff, really, just not that angsty at the moment.  perhaps a revival of the old blog is in order, as strangely, i still have shit to say.

sleep now, tee-ball starts early tomorrow.

g

for no good reason, i am feeling a touch depressed. work is good, i'm about to be a father for the third time, and we are loving our new house, but tonight, i can't shake a bit of blues. i suppose these things are chemical as much as anything else, and it's true the the main chemical i add to my bloodstream is a depressant, but it matters not a bit to the general feeling. why i'm burdening the blogosphere with this, i'm not sure, except that i have a need to write a little, and this seems the most likely way to do it tonight.

siouxs! said she wonders if our son is depressed, and i think that may have to do with this. i think he stands a good chance of getting the depression gene, seeing as how it runs rampant in both of his parents' families. i don't personally remember if i was depressed at three, but the odds are for it. i was seeing a child psychologist not long after that point for just such a reason. thinking that my boy might be in for an emotional life such as i have led is hard for me to take. i would do anything to keep him from the deep dark voids that i went through, but at the same time, they made me who i have become. is depression that's coped with a strengthening factor? is it a function of being intelligent but not sociopathic? when i look at my daughter, equally amazing, but very happy most of the time, i wonder if jack was like that when he was her age (though it was only a year and a half ago, and i should remember), and therefore, does she have a similar personality trait to look forward to?

sorry. drag. i'll do better next time.

dust off the old blog. reoil it for the new season. stretch legs and work out the old finger speed, as it were.

child number three imminent. house bought. job good.

drinking often.

liberal, but quietly.

ok. good first day back.

handful of things for those who care

tuesday, when i call on oak ridge, siouxs! called to to find out if i was on my way home from oak ridge. she then put jack on the phone and he told me "daddy you're eating okra." i love having kids.

ok, it was just one. i'll get back to you later.

this one's a little frightening... looking through my statcounter hits, someone found this page by searching via ask.com "what would happen if i stuck a live baby weasel up my ass?" on the plus side, i don't seem to have been in the top twenty pages, so this is someone so desperate for said information that s/he was willing to check every lead, no matter how remote.

next time, people, let's make it "what would happen if we stuck a live rabid mongoose up dubya's ass?" or, for the sake of relevancy, "what would happen if we grabbed john mccain by the asshole and turned him inside out?" (answer: a thirty percent decrease in republikkkan shit)

this marks the second day i've stayed home sick with the flu, so therefore the second day i've been unable to make my own sales. i should be back in action tomorrow, and for those who care, so should the rest of casa de thedamned.

not that i've been actively political for a while, but gthedamned hopes to be voting for barack obama. i realize that he's actually the more conservative (by a slim margin) of the two democratic candidates, and feel that clinton would be a fine choice as well, but i have to go with my instincts here and vote for the one who hasn't been there for years (don't call it a comeback). ah, for a day that there is a candidate who believes what i do, but it's hard to find someone as liberal as i can be who still believes in the death penalty. actually, as i think i have stated before, i am in favor of corporal punishments as well, but that isn't likely to happen anytime soon.

short post, just flexing my long underused blogging muscles.

siouxs! called me when she got home today to ask if i had been home at all after dropping jack at the daycare. i said i had, why? the door was wide open, she said, and then turned to the media rack to discover that virtually all of our dvd's and our playstation 2 and all the games were gone. on further inspection (after the police came) we discovered that we were also missing a box from siouxs!'s dresser that looked like a jewelry box, but really contained junk, and a almost brand new 1.75l bottle of rum. we're thinking it was some kids, based on what was taken, when there are more valuable things in the house, but it is no less maddening to think you have been ripped off by a teenager as opposed to an adult. we are otherwise fine, and are thankful that nothing worse happened.

more gthedamned soon, perhaps after i calm down a little.

having returned to the wine business and survived my first busy season as a sales rep, i thought it might be time to post to old gthedamned. some changes since last we spoke

judith katherine judd (katie) was born in late november. she's pretty amazing.

i sold more in an off year than any sales rep at my company in st louis.

i haven't been able to find enough drinking time, so my tolerance is down from the usual.

we're about to buy a new car.

we're likely to have a black man or a white woman as our next president.

tennessee is an interesting place to be right now. i'm (no surprise) the most liberal person i know, but things seem to be swinging leftish since i left. then again, i don't talk to to many evangelicals that aren't relatives, so perhaps that is just my own blinders. perhaps my leftist senses are dulled by my work (i have to be apolitical if i want to make any money).

i have the day off today, and thanks to the fact that i've become more grown up than overgrown kid, i fixed a chair, went to the grocery store, took the recycling, got the oil changed, and prepped for dinner. getting old does wonderful things to us, i guess.

my blogging is a little rusty, so i'll stop here before i get to worn down. i'm gonna be sore tomorrow, i tell you.

another update for those not on my dispatch list (and if you want to be added to the more personal version of this blog, leave a comment or something so i can get your e-mail address).

as of october 1st (assuming my coffee boss allows my breach of good faith) i will be back in the wine business. it's best described as a junior sales postion, i guess, as it involves the most wear and tear on my vehicle that is possible in east tennessee, but it is still a job in the booze biz that i so enjoy.

jack is doing great, his little sister is progressing according to schedule, and the thedamned family is doing well, thanks for asking. we are finally fully connected to the outsine world, as the porn cottage is now wired for phone, cable, and internet (in that order), and we each have a cell phone number. we are gladly accepting donations to pay for same.

that's all for now, but i will try to keep up with the blogging a little more regularly from the home computer.

well, i am gainfully employed. it's not the job i wanted (in fact, it's already one i'd turned down), but it is a job nonetheless. on the plus side, it will give me a full time position while still leaving a four day weekend. on the down side, i have to work thirteen hour days the other three. actually, that's fine by me. i won't say that i'm thrilled about the chance to sling java again, but i will admit to having missed the feeling of getting a good rhythym going on an espresso machine. the pay is better than most coffee jobs i've had, and the guy who owns the place understands that i'm not looking to work there forever, just until i get my footing for a job back in the booze biz.
rationalization aside, i need to be working. this nothing to do everyday but go to the park with jack while watching our money slowly dwindle is getting old.

more tennessee updates

siouxs! accepted the job with blount county schools, so all that remains is the paperwork and actually starting her job. i had two good interviews, but have already been turned down by one of the companies (and yet, the next guy up on the totem pole wants to meet with me, which i'm taking as a good sign). me staying in the booze biz seems like a strong possibility; the question is now how long before i'm actually working. thanks to year round schooling, siouxs! will be working before month's end, but i may not have much to do until then either.

i have been posting some great run times since i got here. i cannot fathom why.

it looks like we will be living in blount county, close to mom. we are waiting to hear from my stepgrandmother (not really, but for the sake of simplification) about renting a house from her. siouxs! likes the look of it, and i think it looks like they shot porn there in the seventies, so everybody wins. i'm cool with living in blount, but only if we're not so deep in that it takes forty-five minutes to get to knoxvegas.

mroe tanasi chronicles as they occur.

first post post-move

we're living on the second floor of my grandmother's condo. it's nice that it's here and available for us, but it's been a rough week, and i think both siouxs! and i willd be better off in a place of our own. siouxs! has a pending job offer with the school district i would have been zoned for had i not gone to private school, and it's a pretty safe bet she's going to take it. the benefits are phenomenal, so that alone makes it a great choice, but also the fact that we'd be closer to my mom (and consequently, further from the rest of my family) makes it an attractive option. now, to find a place to live.
my job search is still going. i have a few promising leads, but as of this weekend, i'm expanding my search to more than just booze wholesalers. it seems like everyone in the business here stays on until death, so openings are rare. chalk one up to the good ol' boy network, of which i am not a part.
re-exploring knox vegas is eye-opening. we've seen million dollar houses, and we've seen thirty thousand dollar houses. there are kalamata olives in the grocery stores. there's at least two frisbee golf courses. there are neighborhoods i never knew existed, and vastly updated streets. my home town is all groweds-up.

more as i get around to it.

due to the move, i haven't been posting much lately. I can't promise that it will pick up after the move, but we'll see, won't we. the move is now a week away, and stress levels are needless to say high.

we had to put elektra to sleep this morning. it's the hardest thing i've ever had to do. i'm very sad, and when i'm sad, i'm not exactly eloquent. i woke up this morning remembering the times before jack was born when the beginning of my day consisted of siouxs! getting into the shower after letting the dogs come into our room, and having melne curled up in the crook of my legs and elektra in front of my face. she really was a sweet dog, even if not to everyone. she loved me and siouxs! and even got along pretty well with jack, who in the last few weeks took to pulling her hair something terrible.

thankfully, we found a home for melne. it was hard enough to take one dog in for such a grim task, two would have been impossible.

can't we just put the apartment on wheels?

moving back to my birthplace is exciting.  i can't wait to take jack up to the mountains and watch him play in a stream trying to catch minnows before his feet get too cold.  i want to take siouxs! to all the neighborhoods i used to hang out in and plenty that i never did.  i'm looking forward to becoming a part of my family's lives again.

 

i'm also looking forward to having already moved.  we spent a good portion of the weekend determining what we should take and what we should sell at our yard sale next weekend.  our apartment is filled with boxes, and yet there's still an enormous amount of stuff to box up.  i went through the emotional task of throwing away a lot of old cards and letters from family and ex-girlfriends (of which there was a surprisingly large amount). 

 

simplify, simplify.  i can't possibly use all of the kitchen stuff i have, yet i want more.  if nothing else, i guess that's how i know i'm an american.

we're moving. it's long since decided. now, if only we could afford to move.

we have a savings account set up specifically for this purpose, but it looks like we're going to have to dip into it just to get out of town. getting all the bills payed off for the last time, renting a truck (and then gas), actually ahving a place to stay that isn't my grandmother's second floor of her condo (though that is sounding more and more like a possibility if my uncle isn't living there yet), these things all cost money. we're hoping to buy a house in tennessee, but at the moment we'll need to turn jack over as collateral.

in terms of buying a house, we couldn't pick a better time with the housing market in the gutter, but if we can't even get enough scratch together for a heavily discounted house, we're going to remain renters, something I had sincerely hoped to avoid.

but on the plus side, i'm going to be published on feathertale again. i guess they must not be that discriminating.

i told the bosses wednesday (administrative professionals day; they didn't catch the irony) about the impending move. they are being really cool about it, perhaps too cool. like, maybe they were feeling it was about time for this to be at an end as well. whatever the case, it's done. the last tie/out is now cut. the move is official.

i ran into an old high school friend on the interbot the other day, and started thinking about how many people i went to high school with are still/back in knox vegas. in a way, it's conforting, but also strange to be going back. i'll likely run into lots of people i knew, given time. considering i may be getting into sales, that's lots of people i'll be seeing every day.

can't straighten out my head right now. perhaps more over the weekend.

tomorrow is the day i give my two months notice. i'm giving them that much time so they can hire someone and i can do some of the training of said new hire. i am also doing it because the brashness of my younger days is behind me. i walked out of two jobs, sticking around to tell off the owner at one of them, and gave less than two weeks notice at others.

jack (and siouxs!) give me a new perspective on such things. though i would love to look back on my life and be able to say proudly that i did everything on my own terms, i have learned that the suppression of self is frequently the way to go. i smile and don't curse my bosses to high heaven because they are the best option i have for a recommendation at a new job. i like the busuness i am in a lot, just not particularly with this company, therefore, i must keep them happy to best utilize the contacts that are available. thankfully, their import company now has distribution in tennessee, so maybe i can make that transition. whatever the case (forgive my rambling), it is because of the need to keep a roof over jack and siouxs!'s heads that i swallow my pride and laugh at horrible jokes.

our big every other year tasting was this past weekend, and dear god, how much would i like to be working for a winery instead of a distributor... such level headed people on the whole, and they all drink a lot of beer and smoke a lot of pot. they also drink a lot of wine, but i could probably make that work too. i may not be able to tell you about the nuances, but i know good from bad from great and usually that's enough to cover a winemaker's ego.

gthedamned, aka gthedada would like to wish jackthedamned, sweetest one-year-old in the country, a happy first birthday. since he's not too good with the calendar yet, we're taking him to the ballgame saturday and having a big bbq/party on sunday. twenty or thirty adults, as many as ten kids, all in my apartment and backyard. oh, and we're feeding them all as well. there will be a tip jar, and possibly straight up solicitations as the evening wears on.

***************************************************

last night, a thought occurred to me. our prohibition of cruel and unusual punishment is bullshit. first of all, all punishment is cruel and unusual. that's why it's punishment. if it was pleasant and normal, it wouldn't be any deterrent at all. however, as it stands, it isn't deterrent enough. i think we need to crank up the levels of cruel and unusual on our punishments. armed robbery? first, you get shot. in the arm. it's your responsibility to get to the hospital. after you get out, everytime you walk into a rob-able establishment, you get it in the stomach with a sack of quarters. after a few years of this, few people would be tempted to return to a life of crime. corporate fraud? government garnishment of wages ensuring you live at minimum wage for the rest of your life. second, they stick a live weasel up your ass. second offense, it's a badger. third, a wolverine (sticking with the mustelid family, naturally).

gthedamned has been farily quiet lately, and for that, i apologize. i am covering the office by myself this week, so you may or may not see more posts than usual between now and friday.

the whole thedamned family took our thrice a year mandatory trip to tennessee last week, more for business than visiting. details about the move needed to be moved forward, houses needed to be looked at, interviews needed to be conducted, the passive tense needed to be used. siouxs! had a great interview, and feels confident that she will be offered a job; the question now is mostly where she will teach in knox vegas, next year. yours truly did not actually interview anywhere, but since i won't be signing a contract for the coming schoolyear, it isn't as urgent that i have a several month long head start. i did determine that, in addition to local distributors and other jobs in the booze biz, i will be sending my resume to both the bijou and the tennessee theater, just to get a little closer to the world i supposedly went to school to study.

we also had a lot of discussions about what our lives will actually be like after a move to my homeland. will we be able to deal with the stress of seeing my family all the time? will they be able to handle the fact that we/i don't go to church anymore, or that jack isn't baptized? how can we best deal with the racism that is not more prevalent, just more open? in st louis, relatively few people assume that because we're white, we're racists. in tennessee, my aunt doesn't consider the n word to be racist because "there's white ones too, so i'm not saying anything bad about black people."

what it's going to come down to is that we'll see my family a lot for the first few months, and my mom a lot whenever it isn't tax season. after that, once a week will be as much as we see anyone, much like it is here. we'll make some new friends (as i only have perhaps four in knoxville these days), become reacquainted with some old ones, and siouxs! will spend a lot of time on the phone to st louis.

i'm looking forward to the move, but i'm also scared to death. does that make sense? we're buying a house, so that's a time commitment that lasts longer than an apartment lease. i don't yet have any great job leads. jack may well start his schooling in a place that doesn't value education as much as we do. we may have another baby with a tennessee ssn.

relocating sounds almost antiseptic. uprooting gives a better idea of how this feels. even if we're going to a great place, it's still like being a live tree on a flatbed truck.

the move is now less than four months away. i am less than two months away from giving notice at work. in three days, we are going to tn for a "visit," scouting houses, jobs, etc. the whole thing seems unreal sometimes (now being one of them). i need to get working on my resume before we head down, i should probably talk to a mortgage company today about pre-approval, and god knows what else i've let go this long. at least siouxs! has a job interview. i want to look into jobs that would allow me to use my better qualities and the things i enjoy... writing, design, and such, but since i don't have a degree in said subjects, i really have to sell myself to make this work. i really don't want to work in the liquor store my mom is suggesting, though it would give me time to do other things i guess.