this one's a little frightening... looking through my statcounter hits, someone found this page by searching via ask.com "what would happen if i stuck a live baby weasel up my ass?" on the plus side, i don't seem to have been in the top twenty pages, so this is someone so desperate for said information that s/he was willing to check every lead, no matter how remote.

next time, people, let's make it "what would happen if we stuck a live rabid mongoose up dubya's ass?" or, for the sake of relevancy, "what would happen if we grabbed john mccain by the asshole and turned him inside out?" (answer: a thirty percent decrease in republikkkan shit)

this marks the second day i've stayed home sick with the flu, so therefore the second day i've been unable to make my own sales. i should be back in action tomorrow, and for those who care, so should the rest of casa de thedamned.

not that i've been actively political for a while, but gthedamned hopes to be voting for barack obama. i realize that he's actually the more conservative (by a slim margin) of the two democratic candidates, and feel that clinton would be a fine choice as well, but i have to go with my instincts here and vote for the one who hasn't been there for years (don't call it a comeback). ah, for a day that there is a candidate who believes what i do, but it's hard to find someone as liberal as i can be who still believes in the death penalty. actually, as i think i have stated before, i am in favor of corporal punishments as well, but that isn't likely to happen anytime soon.

short post, just flexing my long underused blogging muscles.

the same genius who said in the state of the union address that he wants to balance the budget is now talking about increasing spending and making the tax cuts permanent. how is this possible, you might ask? well, first of all, it isn't, second of all, it involves slashing healthcare (and thus creating a great hot button topic for the demokkkrats to ride to victory in '08... thanks, dubya), and third of all, it isn't.

ok, first. the treasury secretary has put the challenge out to the demokkkrats: balance the budget without raising taxes. that's like saying mix paints to make orange, but you can't use red. the only feasible solution to balance the budget at this point is to raise taxes, but it need not be across the board. the wealthiest two percent of our country control twenty percent of the wealth. that's a lot to get at.

second of all, it's easy to cut the shit out of healthcare programs that you are never going to have to use. if dubya resigned in disgrace and lost all his government provided insurance, he could afford to personally pay for any and every bit of medical treatment for the rest of his life.

thirdly, it won't really be balanced even if they do say "fuck the poor" as usual. every year, we have a budget, then an "emergency spending bill" that doesn't count. it consists of a lot of pet projects, like, i don't know, the war in iraq. this is billions of dollars that don't get counted against the budget for the year, so if by some miracle, we had a surplus instead of a deficit, it could still be eaten up by "emergency spending." (since the war has been going on for years, how much of an emergency can it really be? it's not like it came as a surprise.)

trickle-down doesn't fucking work.

how can i resist the state of the union address from a lame duck president? well, since we don't have cable, it would have been fairly difficult to do without just turning off the tv, or turning to (god bless them for their mindless pap) the cw. however, we did watch the speech, and surprisingly never wanted to throw anything at the screen. in fact, this was the first state of the union that we have made it all the way through since the election was stolen in 2000. the reason we didn't get so mad was that he didn't really say anything. he made a lot of statements that anyone could agree with, but didn't tie them to the usual qualifiers that end up sounding like "and if you don't think we need to search for domestic oil inside the skulls of endangered species, then you're with the terrorists."

last night, bush sounded like what he is: a man with no real convictions other than self preservation. last night, it also seemed like the factiousness that has gripped the demokkkrats for years my be contaigious, as the republikkkans were hardly the unified front they have been for six years now.

jim webb. hell yeah. give him two senate terms, then run him for president. i'll campaign.

thank you, oh wise and fearless leader, for showing us the light. all of the violence in iraq is someone else's fault. thanks be to our almighty christian god that it isn't our fault, even though we did force iraq into a state of anarchy and chaos that would make any society come apart.

someone else's fault. the most beautiful three words in the world to a politician. someone else's fault means a chance at (re)election. and the best part is that it's bipartisan! double points if the people you're pinning the blame on are brown.

the economy, that's someone else's fault too, right? they say it usually takes a few years for changes in economic policy to make a significant change in the economy itself, so the current problems are the fault of those jokers from last term. you remember those guys, they're the ones who tied up hundreds of billions of dollars in a war based on false pretenses, and then funded it by cutting the taxes of the wealthy at a much higher rate than the middle class so that the poor and middle class could keep sending their sons and daughters to die needlessly and expensively.

fuck bush, just for old times sake.

tell me i'm celebrating too early if you must, but oh hellmotherfuckinyeah! the hole they dug was too deep to climb out of with political trickery, and when you have no moral ground to stand on, it's pretty hard to effectivley attack your opponent's "values."

here in the mighty mo, claire mccaskill won our senate seat (now's the time to start working against kit bond), the minimum wage was increased, and the jury is still out on the stem cell initiative. i'm obviously hoping that one passes too, but i am pretty thrilled at the gains already determined.

this is a start.

i had a thought last night. the struggle between liberalism and conservativism ought to be a matter of idealism versus wisdom. if that were true, then the middle ground would be the correct path nearly every time. as it is, both "sides" are led by people who care more for getting and maintaining power than ruling effectively. i suppose in a way this is one of the basic flaws with democracy, but such is life. now is not the time to worry too much about democracy's flaws. today is a day of celebration, for tomorrow we get to work.

for the record, i am not a democrat (or demokkkrat, since they're only marginally better than republikkkans in many respects). i am a left leaning independent however, today, i cast an all democrat ballot (except for judges, who have no party affiliation listing, because obviously, they're non partisan, right?).

take the fuckers out. enough republikkkan befouling has gone down in the last few weeks to make me think the democrats have finally learned to play politics too. good. it's about time someone beat those sons of bitches at their own game.

if you haven't voted yet, go vote. the touchscreens are a little unnerving, but i saw the paper back up.

vote. i'll be disappointed if anyone reading this blog doesn't. i'll also be surprised if i get even one more hit today (thanks, statcounter, for pointing out that i'm just another angry blogger with a readership marginally above zero).

vote.

VOTE DRUNK
VOTE OFTEN
VOTE DRUNK OFTEN

can we please have a real president again? how i long for even a non-idiot. these morons and monsters have got to go.

the ecosmashers that rule our country right now must be stopped, and i'm not even an environmentalist, really. however, i'm also not the type to shit in the water jug to save a few cents either.

the insidious bastards are learning.

dear god, it's almost election day. fuck bush's pals in a voting booth, america. they'd do you (if there was a profit to be had, anyway).

have you seen the ads on tv for "progress for america"? i haven't heard of a more bullshit name for a pac than this one. apparently, progress for america means going back to the days immediately after september 11th, 2001, and to start believing once again that the muslim world is full of murderous rage for all americans, that osama bin laden might have ties to iraq, and that americans should universally trust their president, who only has their best interests at heart. the commercial is such a bunch of jingoist garbage that says in so many words the same old lies, namely that democrats and muslims are the enemies of america (though they claim to not endorse a particular candidate etc.).

watch the bullshit if you haven't seen it already. progressives, we need some fresh ire for the election season.

am i the only one who didn't really care who killed jonbenet ramsey the first go round? am i the only one who thinks that her "killer" is just some nut job that the republikkkans paid to take the fall, and therefore, some of the public attention away from, let's say, the war we're losing in iraq? ok, perhaps i am the only one. i am a bit of a conspiracy theorist, but still...

i also just found out this morning that pat buchanan is a special correspondant or something for the freaking today show. he seemed to be promoting his newest book, which is a primer on reasons we should fear all muslims. my feelings on the traditional media are so cynical these days that his appearance really doesn't surprise me that much. nonetheless, i had hoped that there was some backlash from the right leaning spin that was so powerful in the immediately post 9-11 landscape.

oh, right. today show:nbc = general electric. i guess they might have an interest in painting the war in a positive light.

no one, not even mrs buchanan, should have to see that man before 8 am, though.

there's nothing i like better than a little poetic justice come to life. the delay ballot deal is priceless. they're just going to give up, and i guess find some other way to fight dirty. the attack ads should be funny, if ntohing else, because what alternative will they offer to the evil baby killing liberal who is the other name on the ballot? "paid for by the texas nick lampson is a jerk comittee"

the federal minimum wage has been the same for the entirety of the time i've been out of high school. people working for minimum wage have been getting poorer and poorer for ten years, and the republikkkans are just now figuring out that there needs to be a change? the best part in my estimation is that they don't want to do anything, but the only way they feel they won't be raped by the demokkkrats politically is to go ahead and support an increase. this is just a way to nullify the bad juju that would come from not supporting the bill. i like it when the right-wingers are on the defensive for a change. now, if only enough people could stop shouting mindless pseudo-patriotic drivel long enough to listen to the rational folk out there, we might even get to point out a few of the other things the republikkkans need to be scared of in november. like corruption, anti-privacy legislation, the anti-progress mentality, and, oh yeah, the needless waste of a money-sinkhole that is iraq.

fuck bush.

if the best thing you could brag about was "things are slightly less bad than was initially predicted," would you be crowing about it? that's just what our brave leader is doing now. has he forgotten that we were in a time of surplus under his oft villified predecessor? we were actually on our way to paying the national debt, as opposed to adding to it at a record pace.

deficit spending doesn't work for households (just ask some of my cousins); why would it work for the whole country? true, it is possible to float briefly on a wave of credit and then surge forward to pay it off, but drowning is more likely than surfing.

i've posted two days in a row. that's the all-star break for you, i guess.

fuck bush

dear vast american middle (by this i mean those who cannot be defined easily by "liberal" or "conservative" labels, not our collective enormous midsection),

please remember for just a few more months how bad these sons of bitches really are. they are sending your children to war, at this point only to "honor the memories" of the ones who've already died in the same war (go die for those already dead... doesn't sound as noble then, does it?). they've lied to you at every opportunity, and unless you're making better than 300k, they don't even like you.

elections are too far away for the outrage to last, so consider this a public service reminder from gthedamned. stay mad. they're motherfuckers.

sincerely
gthedamned

ps fuck bush

for a very predictable reason: outrage overload. i can't work up my mad anymore, as it's been overused since 2000. figure that this lapse is temporary... every time i think i'm all out of pissed off, the republikkkans go so far over the top that i start stockpiling bottles and kerosene again. also, when jack starts sleeping through the whole night, i might have a better chance of spewing some bile; anger is easier to back up when you're well rested.

we're taking a trip to knox vegas this coming weekend so jack can meet his hillfolk family. updates when we get back.

well, after an initial success, i'm now batting .333 with mcsweeney's. i have another piece submitted, so we'll see what happens.

karl rove not being prosecuted for treason that has his name written all over it? that smug bastard. i can't even fathom how many people in washington, reporters, prosecutors, etc. the bush administration must have by the short and curlies. can't anyone get to a position to take out these sons of bitches while simultaneously avoiding the tranny hookers? 60% disapproval rating, and we can't make anything stick to this scum? it's like playing pin the tail on the turd... you might hit the right spot, but as soon as you turn around, the damn thing has dropped off again.

stephen hawking, can i come too?

[tried unsuccessfully to post this yesterday afternoon... damn blogger]


this is absurd. yet another attempt to sway the easily distractable public towards the puritanical right.

sorry for the dearth of posts lately, but in all honesty, i haven't felt like it. the g.o.p. has been fucking things up so mightily that it seemed redundant to rant about the stuff. yeah, they're dragging the gay marriage thing out again, but this time, i don't think they'll be able to influence the casual homophobe as much (it's pretty hard to burn the same gays at the stake twice).

let's all just keep hoping for a conservative/neo-con rift. i feel one brewing these days.

just for old times sake, fuck bush

it seems that the good folks at the verichip company have got a great way to sell more verichips: implant them into immigrant guest workers. wow, have we really gotten to the point of chipping people like we do pets? has anyone told the fundamentalist christians about this? can you say mark of the beast, fundies (i know you can...)?

i still think that the immigration debate that we're having as a country right now is a dodge, much like gay marriage was a dodge. they're both great ways to get (white)middle america up in arms. who can remember gross ethics violations, misguided warmongering, or tax cuts for bill gates and his three hundred closest friends when there are dangerous brown people/creepy homos lurking about, seeking to attack our flagging economy/sacred bond of marriage (and divorce)?

that said, here's a bit of economic thought for the racists out there who want to deport all the immigrants becuase "they're taking our jobs." right now, illegal immigrants are available to work for $2/hour with no benefits whatsoever (ok, perhaps a drive to the hospital if the lawnmower cuts your hand off, but that's it, and we will be squealing the tires out of the parking lot as soon as your foot touches the ground). that's a lot cheaper than hiring a legal citizen for $5.15/hour (dear god, we need to fix that... $5.15 an hour?!!), so a lot of less than scrupulous employers are going to go with that option. if we make immigration easier, everyone will have to be paid at least minimum wage, and immigrants have the same chance at getting a job as native born white and christian xenophobic citizens. i wonder if that thoguht can turn around in your narrow, narrow mind.