31.3.05

a letter to Michael Schaivo

she is gone. her suffering (or total lack thereof) has ended. your suffering is probably greater now than anyone's. the politicians aren't done, but now is the time for grieving, and moving towards closure. be strong. there are those that will still speak ill of you, and will continue to sanctify your wife, but right now is your time. her parents will have their grief as well, but they are the ones who stood in the way of life. your life, ours, and hers. hers had ceased to be a life fifteen years ago; everything since has been a personal battle for you and those who would villify you. it is good that you, her husband, the man who stood by her side, even though you could no longer receive anything from her in return, were there for her in her time of dying. you were the one who chose to love her and spend your life with her. now her life is finally, completely extinguished, and the fight is over.
do not think that they are done using you. in our current state of twisted hyper-morals, there are those who still see you as a way to take the attention away from their own, far less humane and more sinister actions. there are those who will continue to use this woman, your wife, who once brought you joy, to further their own ends. they are powerful, and will likely succeed in their aims, if only because they are capable of such ethical gymnastics as would baffle the average good person. do not believe them. you are a good person. you were a loving husband, acting on your wife's wish, and as such, you deserve to be called a hero. it obviously wasn't an easy decision, as it took you ten years to make. it is the bravery that we show in making such a decision that makes heroes.
if you believe in such, believe she is in a better place. in whatever case, remember that her life has been no life at all for the last fifteen years, and that now she is at peace. though it comes from a religion to which i personally do not subscribe, there is truth in the requiem "ashes to ashes, and dust to dust." whether there is creator or a grand series of occurances that have put us here, we are all heading for where we came from.
while others use you and your suffering for their own soundbites and talking points, grieve, and remember what she was like those fifteen years ago. soon enough, time will go on, and the lawmaker/lawbreakers will have their own fresh injustices to cover afresh. you will be blessedly forgotten when the true criminals are once again swimming in their own foulness.
i don't claim to understand what you are feeling. whatever they may say, no one else understands it either. each persons grief is his or her own, and every situation is different. continue to be, and your life can continue.
know that there are those who reconize you to be the hero that you are, and may you have peace.

j m judd

24.3.05

two posts in one day...
paleontologists in montana say that they've found soft tissue (blood vessels) inside a t-rex bone. i just heard about it tonight. i just tried to find something about it on the internet, but the only people who had something to say about it were a bunch of creationist assholes saying that it proved their "theory" that the earth was only a few thousand years old. they also took a freak occurance and ran with it, saying that the scientists also found red blood cells and hemoglobin in the one. this is not true. i'm posting now in the hopes that my blo will come up in a google search, because there needs to be at least one dissenting voice. just doing my part to keep the christian fundamentalist in their place (which is church, not the internet, or schools, or courtrooms, or the white house). go back to sunday school, churchy, and believe whatever you want.
this is all i am going to say about terry schiavo (at least today). when dubya was governor of tejas, he signed a law stating that people determined to be in a persistant vegetative state whose families cannot pay for continued treatment are to have their feeding tubes removed. (i don't often imbed links to blogs of people i don't know, but this gentleman had all of the facts i needed at the top of a google search results list, so thanks, Mark A. R. Kleiman.)
there's going to be a draft. i don't care what the politicians and officers say, there is going to be a draft. i'm glad i'm jsut six months away from being too old to get drafted. i suppose i'm also glad that my stepbrother michael volunteered for the marine corps rather than being drafted, if only on principle. at least as a volunteer, he stands a chance of getting to pick his area of service, or so i am led to believe.
the drive to kc yesterday wasn't so bad. i got a pretty good lunch out of it, anyway, and got to hang with kingston for a few minutes. i like to tell people that kingston is such a good friend because i can tell him the same stories over and over again and he never remembers that i've told him before. the man has no event memory whatsoever, and he is fine with that. he can tell you every spec of his old gr6 motorcycle (or whatever; i'm not a bike guy), but doesn't remember how many times i've been to kc since he moved there (it's 3, if you're curious, which you only would be if you're kingston [and if you're kingston, you've long since forgotten that i write on this blog]). what a guy. i miss that dude.
so, fuck gw bush, and tom delay, and jeb bush, and i hope at least one bush daughter has the syph. (wow, that was just mean for no reason... but i'll bet they think that daddy's a good president, so they deserve it anyway.)

23.3.05

lucky me. i get to drive roughly ten tons of truck and wine across the state, empty it all out, then drive back. last time i did anything of the sort, i had to find out once that such a truck is more nimble than i would have though possible. i also found out that it is less nimble than i needed it to be later that same journey, when i nearly tipped it over. i am watching out for that one turn, no doubt, but the rest of the drive will feature rain and assholes (or so i assume about the assholes).
getting my day started twenty minutes earlier than usual tends to throw me off for the whole day. let's hope that doesn't hold true today, or someone might have to die.
fuck bush

20.3.05

barbecued yesterday. i'm starting to get tired of grilling the same old burgers and chicken. it isn't that they aren't good, it's just the experimental cook in me wanting to do more. these may well have been the most unimportant two opening sentences of any post to date.
i realized yesterday that i can't actually make the claim that no one i know (approximately my age) is dead. there was a guy i knew in tennessee, ben (his last name eludes me at the moment). ben was an interesting guy. i can't say he was my friend, but he was something more than an aquaintance. i met my best friend back home in high school, but we weren't really that tight in high school. i started hanging out with her when i started going to rocky horror, and it was through this group of people that i got to know ben. ben never cleaned up the cat boxes, so his apartment was a little bit frightening. it was the sort of thing you could get used to, remarkably enough, but god forbid you ever had to much to drink or smoke or some such and had to sleep there. ben had a fucked up past by the time i got to kow him. his mom died of cancer over the course of several years, and i know that he was already depressed before that. because his mom was a nurse, she had access to all kinds of pills and such for her pain, and in the years after her death, ben became a fairly avid pill popper, (as far as i know) out of the stocks that she had in reserve. i tried some pretty freaky drugs over at ben's; when he was in a generous mood, he would lay out a veritable buffet of intoxicants for all of his approved guests. he also had a large collection of swords, which we would occasionally break out and fight with when we weren't too messed up, and a few times when we were. he was able to afford all this stuff partly on the insurance money, and partly on an advance that he had received for a sci-fi/fantasy novel he had written. he worked for only about a year of the four or five i knew him. the publisher for his novel sent his manuscript back and asked him to make a few changes, which he absolutely refused to do. he ended up keeping the several grand in advance money, and never did anything else on the novel.
ben hung himself a year or two ago. his depression had gotten worse, and i think there was som romantic entanglement involved. i remembered ben yesterday because i got a "red dwarf" disc from netflix; ben had the entire run of the series on vhs. i can't say that i miss ben, we just weren't that close. it was quite a sobering thought, however, when i realized i had forgotten him when i wrote the last long venture into the past.
sorry this was such a depressing post.
bush is a fucker, cheney's a monster, and diggity-don rumsfeld needs to be poisoned. (note: secret service, i won't be poisoning anyone anytime soon, even if they deserve it.)

16.3.05

i was looking back the other day at a few of my posts from years gone by... first of all, it's really hard to imagine that gthedamned is a few years old at this point. the main thing i noticed is that i have turned this almost completely into a political ranting page, which is fine, but back in the day as it were, gthedamend was more personal. there was a time, particularly during my last period of unemployment, when i posted frequently about my day to day goings on, rather than my reactions to the country and the world we live in. while i am not going to cut out my leftist agenda by any means, i think i need to bring back a certain element of geronimo back to gthedamned. that said, the only political thing i am going to say in this blog is that we really need to start taxing the wealthy more if we ever plan to get this country fixed (or even just stop its decline).
there are a lot of people who i went to college with and a few from high school that i have been thinking about lately, wondering what has become of them. from time to time i hear rumors that so-and-so moved to this city, or this asshole got married, or whatever. as yet, i haven't heard that anyone was dead, which is a good thing, but i'll lay odds that someone who i once considered a friend is dead now (and i'm not talking about people who were grown when i was growing up, but people approximately my age). i guess this is coming to mind because siouxs!'s ten year class reunion is coming up this year, and mine will be next year. i also went to the doctor monday for the first time in roughly ten years, so i'm just feeling this sense of a decade. i'm not sure what it means.
anyway, before i ramble off into infinity, i have a request. i want to hear from people that i haven't kept up with as well as i might have liked. if you are someone i know (which, no doubt you are if you are reading this) and have e-mail addresses of someone else i know, or even just information about people from our mutual past, send them to me, drop me a line and fill me in, or something. or don't. see if i care.
much love to all, and sorry for the sappiness.
fuck bush.
g

14.3.05

i like ranting about politics. i love baseball. it would seem to stand to reason that i would like the congressional hearings on steroid use in mlb a lot more than i do. instead, i can't stop thinking about what a waste of congressional time and taxpayer money this is. no, i don't think that baseball players should use steroids, and i don't think anyone who does should have a chance to get into the hall of fame. i think baseball itself needs some serious internal work to make it more enjoyable for everyone instead of purely profitable. this kind of thing is the reason for the commisioner of major league baseball and all of the various functionaries therein.
baseball is called america's pastime. i've never heard of a time when that meant the government needed to take a hand in straightening out the kinks. if there were sport that the government were going to take an interest in, one would think that it would at least be international (and don't even talk to me about canada; if our world series were truly open to the world, we damn sure wouldn't win it every year). does the house of commons ever interfere with british league football? does the king of spain ever overturn a jai alai final? of course not. i'm not calling for a separation of sport and state, i just don't want to pay for it.
this is all because that jerk-off is a former team owner, isn't it? is that what he means by "ownership society?" fuck bush with a louisville slugger (i'm sure there's at least one slugger from louisville willing to take one for the team like that. or rather, give one for the team.)

12.3.05

well don't i feel like the advertisement whore...
i just sent out a bunch of e-mails (all individually written, not a form letter) to tell people to go to the bastards karamazov website which is going well and has some video posted now. i realize that maybe posting on this blog will garner one more potential surfer, but that's still a reasonable percentage of our total hits. please give it a look, as jah has been working really hard on it, and i for one think it's pretty damned funny.
fuck bush.
well don't i feel like the advertisement whore...
i just sent out a bunch of e-mails (all individually written, not a form letter) to tell people to go to the bastards karamazov website which is gong well and has some video posted now. i realize that maybe posting on this blog will garner one more potential surfer, but thats still a reasonabl percentage of our total hits. please give it a look, as jah has been working really hard on it, and i for one think it's pretty damned funny.
fuck bush.

11.3.05

so apparently we're restructuring our military for constant conflicts that are smaller most of what we've been involved in recently. i'm pretty sure this is just a way to continue naming things after reagan. the fervor has died down somewhat on actually changing the names of stuff (so i don't think we'll be changing the name to the ronald reagan memorial united states army anytime soon), but now it seems we're converting our military to be more in the spirit of our fortieth president. look for anti-communist witch hunts and dictators we put in place to be deposed in a third world country near you!

9.3.05

so, i put a counter down at the bottom of the page, and last time i looked, it had 26 hits in a week, none of them "return visitors." if you are a member of the secret service assigned to monitor this blog, hi! i know that you're only a symptom of the problem, not the problem itself. in times where i like the president (such as 1993-2000), you are there to protect him/her from the nutjobs with guns or whatever tool of harm may come into play. (note: i don't have any guns. i don't even have any pocket knives since i forgot i had one in my pocket at the airport.)
so keep up the good work, secret service person. i'm no real threat, but i hope you at least enjoy what i have to say from time to time.
that said, fuck bush. (blue thirty-one, the eagle is buggered)

7.3.05

the term private parts implies that all other parts are public parts. this is all well and good, but what if you don't like people looking at your teeth?
had a barbecue yesterday. there is a barbecue phenomenon that i can't say i fully understand but i will discuss for just a moment. why is it so hard to get truly drunk at a barbecue? it wasn't my goal last night to get ripped, but i did my fair share of drinking. i had two strong pints of jack and coke, then switched over and had between six and nine beers (i can't say i was counting, except in retrospect). after the jack and cokes, with nearly no food in my stomach, i had a bit of a buzz. after all the beers (consumed between six o'clock and ten o'clock) i still had the same buzz. am i doing something wrong? is my high tolerance for alcohol getting out of hand? should i quit drinking for a while forget i just wrote that, because that won't be happening. i have a doctor's appointment next week for the first time since 1996. if she tells me i'm going to have to stop drinking, i'm going to need a liver. any and all donations are welcome. i'll let you know more next week, but rest assured, any money will go towards the old liver send off party, and any liver segments will be tested for a close enough genetic match.
since this post has been personal and rather apolitical, showing a gentler, more introspective geronimo, bush can go make tender love to himself. and carl rove.

4.3.05

you and i'll be broke when we get old
thanks to our pal dubya
we'll never go to war anywhere it's cold
you got to love old dubya

dubya is your only friend
he is your anchor in the wind
his dynasty should never end
(deficits are hard to spend
you jug-eared clown you, dubya)

dubya dubya, yippee-eye-ay
dubya dubya dubya
he'll do you one better'n the cia
(republikkkans'll fuckya!)


(fuck bush with wolfowitz's head. if you need something a little more in depth than this relatively mindless profanity, check out my newest new link. one last thing... first round of mastering for the bastards cd happened this week. 2005 should see the release, though i can't yet be more specific than that - g)
you and i'll be broke when we get old
thanks to our pal dubya
we'll never go to war anywhere it's cold
you got to love old dubya

dubya is your only friend
he is your anchor in the wind
his dynasty should never end
(deficits are hard to spend
you jug-eared clown you, dubya)

dubya dubya, yippee-eye-ay
dubya dubya dubya
he'll do you one better'n the cia
(republikkkans'll fuckya!)

(fuck bush with wolfowitz's head)