21.12.04

i really hate this fucking holiday, so i'll make this brief. i wish all of my friends a joyous day off, festival of lights (i know it's over, but when have i ever been on time for that sort of thing?) or whatever you may choose to call it for yourselves. for a set of holidays based on the idea that drinking is good when it's cold outside, this has really become a juggernaut of capitalism. so screw that. (if you are reading this blog, most likely) i love you all, and be sure to pass on my vindictive spite to those who deserve it. i suppose, as long as you're passing things along, you can pass the aforementioned love to those who deserve it, those who will be expecting it, or even those who you think i might enjoy the company of.
happy birthday, killer robot jesus. luke warm, the b-list porno star, see what your godson hath wrought.

14.12.04

good god it's cold. reminds me of christmases of yore, spent by someone else in a siberian prison camp. those were the days, eh? do you remember when you weren't in a siberian prison camp? then count your blessings. also, count them if you aren't living in the goddamned mid-west, where the wind from way over vladivostok comes to wait out the winter.

13.12.04

truly, my aspirations to power aren't that great. all i want is a quiet life, away from the hustle and the bustle, where i can kick back, relax, and occasionally perform all of the duties required by my newly appointed position, secretary of rum based cocktails. i'll even accept minister of rum based cocktails, since my patriotism might be made mutable by a beach and enough rum. and a hammock. the hammock is key.

8.12.04

gthedamned would like to offer congratulations to the chocolate goddess of love for her stunning performance on law and order: svu last eve. she made ice t look like a punk. (please, ice t, if you are a gthedamned reader, please don't come and kick my ass. i have nothing but respect for you ice t, but you've been famous for years, while my sister is just getting started in that department.)

we're proud of you, girl

29.11.04

thanksgiving is my second favorite holiday between halloween and the fourth of july, both of which are really just excuses to fuck with people. having said that, i had a pretty good thanksgiving, but nothing too exciting. everyone in knox vegas seems to have the flu, either transmitted by my baby brother or otherwise. haven was certainly the highlight of the trip, though the hanging around getting buzzed with mom and siouxs! comes in a fairly close second (and as long as i keep ranking things, seeing tr ricks playing football, however briefly they let me watch, was pretty sweet as well). the drive down could've been worse, but could've been better as well.
ok, just a brief political rant. it seems that bush and his bushies are still trying to stop the use of medicinal marijuana for cancer and aids patients at a federal level, since now ten states allow it. the logic is that marijuana is bad for you, so therefore any potential benefits should be overlooked. what happened to your funda-mentalist christian folderol, dubya? god made the weed. he also made a lot of other things that are bad for us, but very few of them are illegal. there are quite a few deadly mushroom species, and rattlesnakes are poisonous as well. bears and pumas have killed a few people in this country, why aren't they illegal? oh yeah, what's that other thing that you smoke that it turns out is bad for you? that stuff your buddies grow? no, not crack, your c.i.a. buddies haven't yet figured out a way to "grow" that. i'm talking about your good ol' buddies phillip and r.j.
you know who i mean. they're the ones who seduced so many of us into sucking on a toxic, cancer-causing agent and fooled us into thinking if they put some fiberglass on one end, it wasn't as bad.
man, i could use a smoke.

22.11.04

quiet and sad weekend. to those who wonder why, give a call or an e-mail, and i'll fill you in. much love to all who know already, and thank you for your love and support.
more smartassed bullshit coming soon, but just not today.
g

12.11.04

i almost forgot

http://www.bastardskaramazov.com/

many thanks to tomatohead. bookmark it now, and beat the rush for the video clips and such.

fuck bush.
sometimes i hate both my home town and my adopted home. it isn't about the residents, though there are certainly plenty in both who put me of a murderous mind. it isn't the st. louis' flat horizon or the knox vegas ssslllooowwwwwnnnnnneeeeesssssssss, though each of those things is enough reason to want to move. the problem is airports. since st. louis is no longer a hub, cheap flights to lesser cities are hard to find. if either of my two claimed homes were more of a destination, the whole process of flying home for a holiday would be easier. as it is, my cheapest option is a flight to houston, connecting to chicago, and then, provided i can figure out how to go back in time while at o'hare, then to nashville, where someone (like my mom) would have to drive two and a half hours to meet us, then two and a half hours back home. i can drive there faster than that.

check out the chocolate goddess of love's website.

fuck bush.

this fuckin' country.

4.11.04

be ready to expatriate or run from the police on a moment's notice. i've been saying that gay marraige was a distraction technique all along, but did anyone believe me? well, yes, some did, then promptly forgot and started back in on it. of course gay people should be able to get married, or have civil unions, or have their life commitments recognized in some way by our government, but see what happens when some very clever gay republican (yes, there are a few) manages to make it an issue. the hicks turn out in droves (and believe me, there are a lot of hicks in this country. try to otherwise explain the popularity of "blue collar tv" "git 'er done" redneck jackass). whenever the hicks turn out in these kinds of numbers, bad things happen (see the civil war).
furthermore, if any of you eighteen to twenty-six-year-olds that i know didn't vote on tuesday, i'm coming to slap the bong out of your hand and beat you with a bible as a taste of what we're in for in the next bush presidency. you don't have to vote the way i do (though you probably will), just vote, slack-ass.

siouxs! and i joined the neighborhood rec plex/gym. i had forgotten i had "lats," but now they are reminding me of their existence.

happy birthday, tomatohead. i hope seattle is treating you right.

fuck bush.

29.10.04

florida, i love you, but you always fuck shit up...
they're already trying to steal the election, and it's still four days away. there's all this fraud and scandal with their stupid absentee ballots already. and in the great state of misery, neither siouxs! nor i have received our voter registration cards yet. does anyone know a good lawyer?

28.10.04

go cards 2005!
congratulations to red sox fans, red sox, and everyone else, either red or sox related. let's keep this boston momentum going. go kerry! win the pennant!

19.10.04

i just had a post dissapear into the void...
i blame the fbi
fuck bush
how the hell did the cardinals go from being two games up to one game behind? roger clemens isn't that damned good.
the new topographer deserves a shout out and a wish of good luck. click the first link to see why.
does anyone know anyone whose voting for w, and are they running off of more than a brainstem alone?
before i forget, fuck bush. fbi, i want to see a copy of my file as per the freedom of information act. then, fuck cheney.

15.10.04

oh yeah, i almost forgot. fuck bush. just fuck him, fucker.
it's hard to be a liberal and a baseball fan. no one who reads this will be all that surprised by any of it, but i have been a pretty die hard bleeding heart weepy eyed tax and spend liberal since the fourth grade. since moving to st louis, i have become a cardinals fan with the fervor of a religious convert (credit that comparison to siouxs!, not me). for game one of the national league series, i was watching the game and listening to the debate, occasionally flipping the channel to check out the american league series. last night, we were fortunate enough to not have to choose. thank you, matt morris, for not doing worse than you did. (knocking on wood 'till my knuckles bleed) cards and kerry: can they go all the way?

12.10.04

bring me the head of ralph nader
that spoiling fucker.
there is a reason that you're not
on (some) ballots, sucker.
(i'm still not a demokrat
nor a republikkkan't
but if the choice was bush or lucifer
i'd be the devil's supplicant.)
third parties are all well
and good, in times of peace
but this is war, us versus them
and we'll stand a chance at least
if we fight together against
our common enemy
a certain huckster, smiling tool
with a monster for a daddy.
so violence may not solve
this third party quandary
but lock ralph n. behind closed doors
and another votes john kerry.

8.10.04

dubya is on the ropes, and yet i'm still worried about the election. perhaps the debate tonight will ease my mind.
the dodgers are on the ropes, and yet i'm still worried about this series. perhaps the game saturday will easse my mind.

the preceding statements represent two thirds of my overall thought for the past few days. the remainder is spent being worried about siouxs!, who has homecoming this weekend to stress her out. i love you. hang in there for two more days, and it will all be better.
dubya is on the ropes, and yet i'm still worried about the election. perhaps the debate tonight will ease my mind.
the dodgers are on the ropes, and yet i'm still worried about this series. perhaps the game saturday will easse my mind.

the preceding statements represent two thirds of my overall thought for the past few days. the remainder is spent being worried about siouxs!, who has homecoming this weekend to stress her out. i love you. hang in there for two more days, and it will all be better.

6.10.04

keep your head up, howler monkey. we're all living weekend to weekend to a certain extent... and if the weekend isn't soon enough, declare a religious holiday and do something fun (one of the bonuses of never stating to anyone, even yourself, anything binding about your religious beliefs).

in related news, the cardinals game yesterday was perfect. great weather (just the perfect amount of cool), cold beer, and an astounding victory with five home runs. no wonder espn thought no one would want to watch our game as compared to the other first round playoff games. motherfuckers.

requiat in pace, Rodney.

oh yeah, and fuck bush.

5.10.04

today is the first day of baseball post season, and i will be there. for anyone who would be, be jealous. anyone who wouldn't, just be happy for me. i'm going to say cardinals 8, dodgers 4. i'm also going to be knocking on a wooden rabbit's foot with my hat on inside out and every crossable digit crossed.

in political news, fuck bush. that's right, fuck him.


21.9.04

he did it! kerry did it! he attacked the right thing! stick and move, stick and move! i don't normally put links in a post, but here. if either one of the people who read this blog haven't had a chance to see or hear this, this is the best i can pull off for the moment. i was trying to find the whole speech in its entirety, but what are you going to do.

17.9.04

our presidential contest is neck and neck,
with candidates spewing lies and dreck.
we must stop our bumpkin warlord,
but the other option leaves me bored.
why a luke warm moderate instead
of a firebrand heart and a cool head.
how about a liberal to rally behind
someone who uses their nimble mind
mass produced choices are a limiting few
(sorry, mr. nader, this job's not for you!)

vote for me, next election, and i'll tell you what
a hybrid car in every garage
and two beers in every gut.
-g

13.9.04

played football with a bunch of guys in their late thirties on saturday. went to the driving range with a certain howler monkey yesterday. my hands feel like oven mitts, and my quads are creaking. god help me, i'm an old man at twenty-six.

7.9.04

i hope that everyone's labor day weekend was as good as mine. i especially hope that the forty plus mosquitos who did their parts in the long standing quest to make it easier for me to get drunk. a note to the red cross... if you see one of those mosquitos, grab the fucker, as she has at least a pint of my at least somewhat rare blood type. a note to the moquitos... i saw you staggering around after you bit me. that'll teach you. also, if one of you fuckers gave me west nile, you'd better hope i die from it, because i've got connections, and i'll find you. (editors note: we here at gthedamned realize that very few if any moquitos will ever read this last bit of rant, if for no other reason than it takes at least fifty of them to turn on the average computer.)

31.8.04

i have been shut of cigarettes for over two weeks now... just so you know.

those god-fearing-god-damned republikkkans are really doing their damnedest to piss me off. voluntary ignorance is right up there on my list of ways to kill any respect i might have. rudy giuliani, mayoral hero of the new republikan moderate movement, has, in one speech, gone from being reasonably respectable to the same sort of lying scum that i had rather hoped he was better than. the quote from his speech at the republiklan rally last night in particular that stuck in my craw was the one that said that our president can see past today, and tomorrow, and into the future. this about a man who had enough foresight to start a war without an exit strategy, and the final determination to say a year and a half ago "mission accomplished" (meanwhile how many have died since then?). if george w. bush has a vision of the future, then he has no vision of either the present or the past. i'm not saying that john kerry is the best choice for our country, but if we let this moronic visionary have another four years, there is no telling how much trouble we'll get ourselves into. you and i are a part of w's vision of the future. we are the help.

sorry to get so political, but it's been quite a while since the blog had this kind of slant, so it just kind of poured out.

30.8.04

just blogging to say welcome back allison and yes, you should sleep with the howler monkey. since the two of you are probably half of my readers, i will say no more...

27.8.04

the management and staff at geronimothedamned would like to thank both of our readers for letting us know that they still care enough to devote several seconds of their time to the cause. from all of us (inside this head) to all of you (outside this head), thank you. it's good to feel loved.

on a different note, tomatohead, aka jordan, is nearing the end of his long journey. here's hoping that seattle is good to him.
in related news, who's to say what's up with the bastards karamazov. initial recordings have been laid down, all that remains are a few more songs and some post production. look for the bastards cd before the end of the year.

business, business, business. hate to say so, but i have to go to work.

21.7.04

i knew it.  nobody cares about poor little g.   (sniffle)  i guess i'll just have to go kill myself or something...

(the above message was intended for ironic purposes only.  had this been real self pity, you can bet your ass it would not appear on this website.  self pity made public is whining, and whining may well require capital punishment when my reign of terror begins.)

16.7.04

the show was a success.  we will try to perform it, in slightly modified form, at another date to be announced.  also, coming soon, bastardskaramazov.com for all of your excited interest and interested excitement.
 
just to fulfill my curiosity, could anyone who actually reads this drivel post a comment?  i know it's a lot to ask, but i would like to know if i am the only one who actually reads this blog.

2.7.04

four days until the comedy event of the summer... the bastards karamazov present a smutcar named deflower at the way out club, tuesday, july sixth. doors at 8:30, show at 9:30.
my anniversary is also this weekend (well, this long weekend). it's hard to believe that siouxs! and i have been married a year already. actually, it's mostly hard to believe that she has put up with my ass for a year of wholly matrimony. to that end, if anyone should see my beautiful bride (or call or e-mail her), congratulate her on her infinite patience. (not to get lost in sentimentality, but) i love you, suzi.

25.6.04

in this time of tumultuous change, there are still a few things that you can count on. one of those things is that the bastards karamazov will have another show. though it is as yet unnamed, the bastards will be performing tuesday, july 6th, at the home of bastard comedy, the way out club, at 9:30 pm. the cover is still only five dollars. five dollars. think of it this way. we're saving you from going to jack'n the box and pushing yourself one step closer to cardiac arrest. we're keeping you off those dirty cigarettes. all proceeds go toward buying the bastards smokes.

10.6.04

ok, honestly, i'm not sure if i have anything to say in this post, but i'll try for the sake of beating my month habit...
the family was in town this past weekend. it was a pretty good time, i must say. we took them to the zoo (however briefly... it was hot out there), the city museum (for the stl uninformed... please visit the city museum sometime, and not just the bar, though that is pretty damned rockin' as well) and dave and busters, where i proceeded to get the whole family hooked on running the ponies (derby owners club... a good way to blow fifty bucks). all and all, it was a good weekend, but i'm still trying to get my brain back up to normal function, and i'm still trying to erase the southern accent that my mom is always kind enough to lend to me when i see her from my speech. seriously, i had less of an accent when i was a kid than i do now.
haven is still the cutest kid in the whole damned world, but is proving to be smart as well. he knew, without being able to read or count (he's two) which was their hotel room from a line of identical doors. he also figured out how to unlock said door from the inside by watching someone else do it once. the kid's a friggin' genius. and so fucking cute it makes you just want to gather bunnies and ducklings, then throw them at other kids.
it's nearly thirty minutes until i have to start work. i should get some work done...

28.5.04

whoa! blogger, what hast thou wrought?! can't say i was ready for a change (which in reality probably took place weeks ago) to the blogging system i know and love. it's thrown me so far off, i almost forgot what i was going to write about. first of all, alissa (see link to the side, but really, if you've ever read my blog, you probably know alissa) was in town last weekend, and st. louis was temporarily a better place. second of all, alissa, you can buy me drinks all you want, but if you dare say it's a repayment for your part of the bar tab at the karaoke bar, i will have to mock you. hard. (seriously, until my fourth aa meeting, i will buy you drinks without a second thought, at least until the bar tab gets into the triple digits).
ok, now the real reason i got on blogspot... i wish i could give you a date, but the new bastards karamazov show is going to be freaking awesome. avante garde, cutting edge comedy that isn't afraid to say what it means, or hit on your mom after a few pitchers of boilermakers. look for us to announce multiple dates at multiple locations. if you or anyone you know owns a bar with a sound system and a stage, let us know. if you or anyone you know likes to get drunk with funny people, let us know that too.

14.4.04

clocking in at just over a month it's...... geronimo! that's right folks. i haven't forgotten either one of you. it's just that i've been so busy lately, what with the kidnapping and all. i mean, like it or not, you gotta feed those hostages every day!
to be honest, i really am only writing this so that i can not write again for another month. i'm not really a diary type person, and i'd usually rather get a laugh in person than hear someone tell me they thought the blog was funny. i wish i could promise more posts, more regularly, but i know that i wouldn't keep that promise. instead, i'll make a promise i know i can keep. (ah-hem) from this point on, i promise that each and every gthedamned post will contain at least one (1) multisylabic word. gthedamened is not responsible for misspellings. for that i would blame the drugs.
until next month, or something pisses me off real good...

9.3.04

the day of a show may cause
-fluttering stomach
-incurable lust for nicotine
-desire to be anywhere but work
-lack of focus
-need to last minute prop shop

needless to say, i am a victim of the above ailment. the show is going to kick ass, but until i hear a good laugh from the audience, i get a shit load of this. if you haven't made plans, you have now. if you have, break them, or better yet, relocate them. nothing makes a romantic moment more special than three overeducated and undercivilized gentlemen of the world poking fun at human foibles and genitalia. come one, come all, bring the kids (just not inside, please). bring grandma. she'll piss herself, and if she can hear well enough, she might just enjoy the show, too!

2.3.04

the kc was a rockin good time, as it turns out. i got to see several old friends, including kingston, the new topographer, and insomnia. to at least the first two listed above, it was spectacularrrr to see you again. (and new t. -- you should steal your dad's car. it looks great on you!)
i really think i should have majored in piracy.
now i have two weeks as acting office manager, since the real one is in new zealand. should prove to be fun, if i can hold my sanity intact.

come see the bastards karamazov one week from tonight at the way out club, 9:30 until they kick us the fuck out.

17.2.04

the bastards karamazov will be performing their first ever live solo show, march 9th at (where else) the way out club on the corner of jefferson and gravois, starts sometime after nine. for details call 781-2464

whoo hoo, i get to go to kansas city. party-time.

6.2.04

let's talk about salt, people. not table salt; that will have to be another rant for another time. no, i mean that modern marvel, road salt. first of all, when the sign on the back of the truck says stay back fifty feet, do. it's not only hell on a paint job, but will also whitewash a windshield like that was the purpose.
it's the driveways that i need to comment on, though. when you lay down salt on the driveway, it usually turns out to be a good thing for everything but the grass on either side. however, let me implore you to stop at a certain point! once you get to the point that you are slipping on the salt as badly (or worse, since it isn't expected) as you would the ice, it has gone too far. think before you salt. a message from the national you fucking moron council.

(two non-political posts in a row. can he go for the record?)

26.1.04

first there was ice, falling from the sky overnight
then there was snow all morning, to insulate the ice
then there was lasagne
then there was sleep
then there was an anxious radio listener, hopefully listening to school closings
then there was a disappointed radio listener
then there was no school anyway
but there was still work.
drunks don't take snow days.
now there's going to be more snow, and they don't plow our new neighborhood with any more regularity than they did the old one. does it get any better than this?

16.1.04

hateful demokkkrats are going to cost us four more years of that joker. if there can't be at least one unified front by the other evil corrupt political party, we might even see an abolition of term limits in the next four years. then we're really fucked, aren't we?

15.1.04

Let's go to the moon again, folks. think of how great that will be. we could live there, even if there is no life on the moon as yet. we could use the moon as a cheaper way to get to mars, what with the lessened gravity and all, even though there is no rocket fuel on the moon. and once we get to mars, why don't we just take that short little hop to heaven? we could thank jesus in person for all the help he's given us, in stealing elections, in bringing a highly technological war to an already downtrodden people, and in driving on a emotion centered populace over a cliff that they could see if only they would look with rational eyes.

that said, come see our show on monday. it's going to be the best one yet.

13.1.04

the bastards karamazov will be performing once again at reverend brim stone's lunar menagerie, this monday, jauary 19th at the way-out club, corner of jefferson and gravois.

i am way too sleepy to be at work, even though my caffeine is finally starting to kick in.

7.1.04

well, i've beat the month. now that it is blessed january, and i have nothing more than a lot of paperwork to do, i hope that i'll have time to update the world (at least the billionth of a percent that read this blog) on my day to day goings on. actually, strike that. i shouldn't bore the few people good enough to pay attention to my ravings... gotta work. more later