we changed positions in relation to bagdhad three times. perhaps i should say locations instead of positions. most of us have retained our positions since before there was a war. i personally still hate the idea, but i hate the reality even more. anyway, early this morning, we were fifty miles away from the capital of saddam's evil oily terrorist communist dictatorship. later in the day, we were as close as twenty to twenty-five miles from the epicenter of torture and baby-eating. around five thirty, central time (six thirty, god's time), we were thirty miles from the hellhole of misery and pain and freedom-hatred and violence and brutality that is Husseingrad in two places, and yet (and yet) there was no mention of any retreat on our part.

i'm not saing that this whole thing is a Wag the Dog, but think of this. it only takes one truth to hide ten lies. for every confirmed p.o.w. whose parents are trying to be brave for the cameras, how many untruths are perpetrated on the masses?

too damn political. i can't fucking help it. kingston and i threw a frisbee around in the warehouse today. the news was on, but i didn't care for the first time in weeks.

how can pbs piss me off?

by airing a two hour or more (i missed the beginning) documentary on the history of the iraqi conflict that could have been written by a republikkkan igno-mancer (let's translate that to spin doctor speech writer secretary of state), that's how (isn't my command of proper sentence structure staggering!?).

i really need to kick my news habit. i watch or listen to approximately five hours every day. most days i have a mild rage at the state of world affairs bubbling in my stomach. this is interspersed with periods of volcanic eructations of molten spleen at hearing the latest news about the war, or the president, or the economy, or john goddamned ashcroft. by that i mean i yell at the radio a lot. also the tv. and ... the laptop. i'm so ashamed.

i promised myself i wouldn't post my anti-government rants on the web anymore, so i'll stop now, but let me just add this...




THERE IS AN AGENDA BEING ENACTED UPON YOU AT ALL TIMES. BILL GATES IS IN ON IT. MICHAEL EISNER IS IN ON IT. MICK JAGGER IS IN ON IT. SO ARE RAY ROMANO, AUGUST A BUSCH III, JESSE VENTURA, AND THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR.
YOUR LIFE IS YOUR OWN, AND THE GOVERNMENT ONLY PROTECTS YOU FROM OTHER GOVERNMENTS.

MY throat is pretty sore now. can't believe this old soapbox held my weight.

i can't believe i got a mention on the new topography (see link to left... imbedding one takes time for a computer illiterate cro-magnon like myself).

i hope that the new topographer feels better soon. she's so hella hella cool, it's like icyhot.

i can't believe it's not butt. if there hasn't been a pornographic film with that title, i'll eat your hat. you'll need to mail it to me.

a new delivery driver has been hired. his name is andre. he seems pretty cool. i gave him an altoid tangerine sour and he looked at me as though i'd told him legos were candy corn.

i hope i'm not the only one who used to have candy corn fights the day after halloween. not fighting over, but with, for those who didn't.

surprise, surprise, sur-motherfucking-prise. i'm pretty sure i invented that. if anyone can prove otherwise, i'm expecting a call, or maybe just a bullet to the back of the head.

well, my pot-smoking friend (and technically, subordinate) got fired today. i really hate losing people that i like to work with, especially for stupid reasons like failing a drug screen.
rich people really creep me out. i had to deliver to the st. louis club today, and it was like a fucking high-rise crypt. i had to check in with security. i also had to find the fucking place, which occupies the top three floors of an office building across the street from where suzi, the new topographer, tigra, jordan, and i all used to work. to think, they were so close, but i never knew. that explains the frequent chills i got in the hot ass kitchen.
or maybe that was all the heroin.

the irregularity of my writings in this little open cranial window has become apalling. some thoughts on recent events.

my half birthday, february 14th, has come and gone again. no one got me anything, but suzi and lw both wished me a happy half birthday. i don't expect people to celebrate my half birthday with me unless it's in protest of the certain other over-commercialized greeting card manufactured chalk heart chomping candy and rose buying spending up all your money in one futile gesture of materialistic affection event that also takes place february 14th.

i am worried that the guy i work with, cliff, isn't taking his drug test seriously. he's given himself a week to clean up. even taking the detox stuff i gave him, i still have to wonder...

i hate being sick. yesterday i was at the grocery store to pick up some essentials. i was there for over an hour, and it would seem that i was named official crazy dude talkin to himself; i think i saw him looking for a bag of frozen breasts. to my credit,this store was all kinds of ass backwards. you walk in, then take a left? what kind of world are we living in? why is the bread nowhere to be found (atleast not near produce, where it should be), why does the meat keep going around a blind corner, and why in the name of god does a store with no more than ten linear feet of shelf space for crackers need a complete aisle, left and right of ICE CREAM!!!! it's not that i don't like ice cream, but seriously, people, aren't y'all fat enough? aren't I?

that'll do. dismissed.

i have realized that the last entry made a jump that many of my three readers could not understand. my friends do not labor for a living. i lift things and get paid for it. i also can't type that well, so this is the whole of this entry.

ladies and gentlemen, the test is over and the debauchery is just begun! after indulging all weekend in all of my remaining vices, i returned to work, somewhat dazed and with a belly-full of yogurt. anyone who knows me well knows that this is perhaps the fourth time in my life that i have eaten yogurt. the strawberry chips and nestle crunch beads helped it a great deal, but it still didn't serve as a satisfying breakfast. how is it that you, you, yogurt eaters out there do it? the stuff can be tasty, sure, but a breakfast? oh, right. everyone who reads this blog uses their gifted minds in ways best suited to their talents. i don't have any. that's right. i forgot.

so, apart from some respect i might have for his guitar playing, i have always thought of pete townshend as one of britain's most tourist attractive assholes. and now, perhaps, he is also a pedophile. i still have nothing against the who (except perhaps casting elton john in tommy), but i find the whole situation to be sickeningly amusing. talking about your generation, pete, sexual repression does have a tendency to break out in later life, you know. perhaps grown up porn is too costly, and child porn is the real bargain. it's a substitute for a normal sex life.
i hope that this whole thing is not true, but only because child pornography is disgusting. i hope that our boy pete goes to gaol just for being a dick.

i like my job. i like the people i work for and with. why, then, oh why, do i find it all so boring?

i should just be glad to have a job in this troubled economy. ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you that i have an entense hatred for all things govern-mental. republikans, being slightly worse than demokrats, have been my subject of ranting for these past two years. how is it that the poor are fooled by dictatorship wearing a common man disguise? since when did trickle down economics work? how can a tax cut help the american people or the government if the government is throwing money hand over fist into a possibility of war that no one will drastically benefit from?

enough of that. on the bright side, i get to take my drug test soon, so i will be able to return to my less than wholly law abiding ways relatively soon.

peace, love, and devil worship, y'all.

today, after my van was loaded up, i made my first solo trip into the wilds of west county. for that matter, it was my first solo delivery run for pinnacle, but that's neither here nor there. i got lost a total of four times on five stops. i made six phone calls from the company cellular phone (only one was to home; suzi isn't feeling well and had to call in to U City high today) and only one was while moving (an act which i condemn in others, so those of you with phone and cars, be warned). i unloaded forty-two cases of wine by myself for a st louis retailer, only to be informed that the asshole blocking my path to be closest to the door was the store's owner. i returned to the warehouse to have nothing to do, so i made space for things coming in on monday at a decidedly leisurely pace. my trip home took an hour and forty-five minutes because of traffic, having to stop at the store, and a delivery that i foolishly volunteered for.

the moral of the story is...........
Shut your damned mouth........ and never volunteer (appy-polly-logies to harry harrison)

i haven't been posting enough for a certain pixel11 author (or so i'm told), so here is a short post.

work is tiring. i like it well enough, but the days are long. as usual though, my work ethic will carry me through (reminder to those who knew me in school... this ethic only applies when i am being paid).

the drug test has been postponed until the end of the month. self denial while in tennessee, all for naught.

i have had two beers in the last four days, a new record since before i began drinking beer.

the bastards karamazov may produce a cd before they actually ever perform.

that is all for the moment...

well, damn. it seems that i have not posted in two weeks. how the time flies when one has gainful employment.

happy new year, to all. let's see, some late 2002 highlights...
-i did not pass my drug test. the boss called me into his office that fateful friday morn to show me the paper that had been faxed to him that morning. he told me that he was not bothered by my lack of passing, but that i would not be able to drive a van by myself until i passed one. this put a grin on my face the size of a canteloupe for the rest of the day. i get another chance, and for those who might care, i have not indulged since the night after i found this news out (a sort of last hurrah, if you will.)
-the guy that i was to replace in the new year quit before he could be fired. we don't know the full reasons why, but he did manage to take three hundred dollars worth of wine on his way out the door. it was a strange scenario, to say the least.
-the very next day, i got to put my immense forklift operating skills to good use. having trained to use a forklift (meaning joyride and try not to break anything with the forks) as a wee lad in my mother's produce market, they felt i was emminently qualified for the job. it was pretty fun, though still not as good as hotwiring a bobcat with a chainsaw tool with schaf and rutweasl.
-christmas at suzi's parents was fun. i drank for twelve hours straight, but never succeeded in actual drunkenness. funny how well my liver functions sometimes, but convenient the next day at work, i can tell you.
-haven has approximately ten teeth, which he grinds as though he is looking forward to dentures. he bites now, but not me. he is still cuter than he was before, a phenomenon i cannot yet understand.
-for christmas i received four fleece pullovers and the only sweater that i have ever really liked. also, a food processor, so we can take that off the wedding registry.
-my friends at home are well, or at least as well as can be expected. my best tennessee friend's mom gave me some xanax to get through my non-smoking spell. if only my mom did more drugs... (sigh)
-new years eve was a little anticlimactic, but perhaps all the better for it. i felt relatively good today, especially after sleeping until eleven.
-there is more ice falling from the sky, meaning i will have a lot of fun driving the twenty miles to work tomorrow. woo hoo.

tune in next time for the next exciting installment of... the life and times of a twenty four year old with more brains than sense!

drug test... complete (results tomorrow or monday)
first seven and a half hours of work... a little boring, but good
soreness today... not as bad as i might have expected
bosses... good, pretty good, and kingston
next four hours of work... hoping to take the soreness away.

hef gud daey, heckl.

CON
* i have to take a drug test tomorrow.

not that i'm a stoner anymore or anything, but i have been known to indulge in a bit of grass (perhaps i shouldn't tell the nation.... oh, wait, all five of my readers already know this) from time to time. i start part-time work tomorrow, and after i get my paperwork all filled out, i get to go donate some urine to the cause. i'm already planning a day of water flushing, but my body fat level has risen since the last time i had to take a drug test, meaning i now have a residual level, in all probability.

also, since i will start some new daily activities tomorrow, i don't know how often i'll be able to post in the near future. we'll just have to see. i think that you will all be fine without regular updates on my lilfe, but if not, i hope none of you feels the need to do anything drastic, like kill yourself, me, or the nearest republikkkan. scratch that last. go right ahead and do what thou wilt.

quick haven update... the trial was friday. it willbe at least early in the new year before anything is official, but at least my mom has custody now.

perhaps i'll tell tomorrow of my adventures in the warehouse world.

I got a job, i got a job, i got a motherfucking job!!! it doesn't start untol the first of the year, unless i'm lucky, but i got a goddamn job! and a better one than i had before, i might add. starting january 2nd, i will be working for a distribution company for better pay, better hours, a better benefits package, and no annoying customers! i don't want to give out too many details, just so as not to sour the deal, but it's for real. a good job, out of the restaurant biz. nine to five. and best of all, i won't even have to change my shaving schedule, as i will be mostly behind the scenes.
PROS
* Discounted alcohol
* Insurance
* more money
* i have a job
* blake still wishes i would come back to the chocolate bar

CONS
* a good deal of back work, which will hopefully get me back into shape.

sounds good to me.
i have a motherfucking job, ladies and gents. and the world is a better place.

i interviewed yesterday for a job with adecco temp services. i hate temp places, so i submitted my resume to work for enterprise rent-a-car today. through stltoday.com, i was notified that my profile fit a lot of jobs. once in a while, the internet does something good for me. imagine that!

i still need a job. i drove by a temp place this morning that offers same day pay. i should have known better, as this is a common ploy to pick up homeless employees who can be robbed blind by the company, but call me naive if you will. when i drove by, there was a fight going on outside. i decided that it wasn't the best of places for me to apply, primarily because i didn't think i could take the guy who seemed to be winning the fight. i don't know if that was the way it worked or not, but, as new guy on the totem pole and a skinny young looking white boy to boot, i didn't want to end the day with a black eye, a busted lip, and no job.

on a related note, i heard on npr that st louis has been rated the most dangerous city in america! take that detroit! we're number one! come on down to the middle of the country for an ass whoopin' you 'll tell your children about!

back to the job search....

my favorite part about my last post was the fact that it was almost entirely composed of a link to the new topography. i'm still learning how to do all this shit, so be patient. the fact that i got a link on there at all is pretty amazing to me.

i still need a job. my friend rich recomended me highly to the company he works for, but the position won't be open until the beginning of the year. i need a job right now, preferably one that will have me getting paid before christmas. it would be nice to buy things for my friends and family. it would also be nice to have a meal out once in a while.

this is about all i feel like writing today, because i need to go look for a job. fucking economy.

inspired by the beauty that is <"liz"/a> (i hope that link works), i think i'll write a short treatise on my feelings toward mice.

i fucking hate mice. they're nasty little balls of hantavirus waiting to happen, they eat anything and shit on anything, and i really hate to see them crawling out of various holes (keep your minds out of the gutter, loyal readers and perverts). in our apartment, though we aren't quite sure where the mice live, we do know that they have selected our gas stove and oven as their vacation palace. this might sound amusing, not to mention a problem easily solved, but neither is true. it's really unnerving to see a mouse crawl out of one of the openings around the burners, and only slightly less so to see one crawling in. as to the problem having an obvious solution, two problems there. one, i am incapable of killing anything larger than a mosquito. i don't know why. it is a longstanding compulsion, and i don't expect to ever get over it. second, it's hard to catch the little fuckers near the stove eyes, since when they see or hear me, they generally take off for the bottom of the stove, and even if they just sat there, i wouldn't go close enough to them to do the job, for obvious reasons, and if i got around every other complication, i couldn't handle seeing the dead mouse on the stove. finally, the oven.
our oven has not been used for baking or any other purposes since before i moved in over two years ago. "why ever so?" you might ask, after which i might punch you. then in answer to your silly victorian sounding query, i would explain that the current mouse problem is just one of many that we have had in this apartment over the years. it usually seems to be just one or two mice, but since all wild mice look pretty much the same, who really knows. there may be dozens queued up right now in the stove and oven waiting for a chance to steal some food, i don't know. anyway, the reason the oven hasn't been used is because many of the mice that lived there also died there. we have chanced to turn the oven on only twice in my two years, and in both instances the apartment was filled with a smell that can only be described as "the mummy's curse in missouri." this is because the mice that are dead within still linger on, in the warm dry environment that is our oven. undoubtably, there are little mouse shrines and sarcophogi entombed therein, not to mention the mice servants that were probably sealed up to serve their masters in the mouse after-world. in any case, i'll never know, because i'll never open the oven. i like to bake, but i hate corpses as much as i hate live mice, and that weighs heavier upon me than my desire for casseroles and cookies.

one last mouse story for those who aren't disgusted yet. about a month ago, a mouse became trapped in our kitchen sink. it was empty, and the walls to sheer for the little beast to climb. though he tried like a motherfucker, he would have starved there had we not intervened. i wanted th mouse out of the sink as fast as possible, but i neither wanted him in the house nor dead, so we had to come up with a catch and release plan. suzi put the cracker box in the sink sideways. after he raced into the relative safety it offered, i turned it top up. with two foot barbecue tongs, i carefully carried the box across the street to my neighbors yard, affectionately known as "that fucking jungle." no doubt the contractors working on the house attached to that fucking jungle were amused to see a grown man carrying a cracker box with barbecue tongs held at arms length, but i successfully released the little bastard. he ran happily off into the fucking jungle, no worse the wear, and i felt like a hero.

a note to liz (if she still sees my page at all): be glad it's mice. that means there are no rats. i don't know why, but i've been told they never occupy the same building.

i've got several ideas for better mousetraps, should anyone like to beat a path to my door.

well, the trip southward was good, but a little boring. haven is cute as always, but the contraversy has died down for the moment. we arrived at one thirty, an hour and a half later than we thought we would. my mother was asleep on the couch as always. if we arrived at ten o'clock, she would be asleep. if it were three in the afternoon, she'd be snoozing on the couch.

all is well in the lou. good night all.