at this moment, there is an ecumenical council working on a seemingly impossible task. they will discuss pros and cons, strengths and weaknesses, and weigh the merits of various candidates carefully, for the choice they make will have wide ranging ramifications for the rest of the world. there are no cardinals on this council. the group to which i refer is made up of altar boys from the archdiocese of duluth, minnesota, who are charged with the sacred task of selecting a new popemobile.
italian cars were long the standard for the popemobile, but have since been scrapped as they require hordes of mechanic priests (not an easy thing to find) to keep them running. the duluth council have narrowed the field to bmw, mercedes, lexus, infiniti, and the chevrolet ssr convertable pickup truck, which by virtue of universal agreement (and possibly soon to be church decree), is fucking sweet.
the new popemobile will of course have to be retrofitted with many papal options, from shroud of turin print seats to the holy water cannons in rear (guaranteed to ward of tailgating demons and pagans of all stripes). the question remains: will the new pope want to drive the new pope-mobile, or should the plexiglass dome be reinstalled? (most agree that the dome would totally lame up the chevy ssr)
the altar boys have pledged to decide soon, meeting every day after school to debate the merits of their own favorite choices. so far, they have revved the diesel engine once, creating a puff of black smoke signifying that the decision has yet to be made. the whole world awaits the day when a small addition of water to the fuel of a regular unleaded car gives us white smoke, assuring a grateful populace that a new popemobile has been chosen, and there is once again order in the world.