28.2.06

laissez les bons temps goulet

translation: let the good times [robert] goulet
 
happy mardi gras.  we'll be attending the parade tonight, as it's going to be seventy fucking degrees in february, because there is no such thing as global warming.  (by the way, i do understand that global warming has nothing to do with individual day/location temperatures, but the average person doesn't, so i'll keep to the populist spirit with which this blog was founded.)
 
give me the motherfucking gun, trey.  or failing that, another phone call attempt.  just not tonight, because...
 
happy birthday, mom, who hopefully doesn't read this foul-mouthed blog
 
actually, it's not her real birthday, as she was born on leap year day, but, try not calling her this time of year for three years out of four, and see how she likes it (answer: not at all).
 
34% approval rating for baby dub, 18% for Darth Cheney... lets get those impeachment wheels a'turnin'!  can't anyone make a good effigy these days?  excuse me, a good american made effigy.  they're pretty good at it in all those countries that "hate freedom." 
 
speaking of hating freedom, when's the last time anyone heard anything about osama bin laden, huh?  i get the feeling we're going to see him on a vh1 "where are they now?" special before this administration gets around to catching that bastard.  i think they're using him as a potential political chip.  they have him located (within a four inch margin of error), and are going to break him out in 2008, right about the time the supreme court determines that the two term limit on the presidency is unconstitutional.
 
strike while the iron has low approval ratings, people!
fuck that remaining 34%/18%.

27.2.06

welcome to the lou, hurricane girl

skip and krobar, happy housewarming.  get back onto a normal sleep schedule before mardi gras.
on the topic of mardi gras, this year was the first in several that we didn't attend the festivities in soulard, and i really can't say i was disappointed.  while i do usually have fun when we go to "the country's second largest mardi gras celebration," i'm fairly certain that i would have a good time being drunk before noon any time of year, not just in the pre-lenten season.  i've been to nawlins' too many times to be all that impressed with soulard.  no offense, but midwesterners will never be able to throw that kind of bash, even if our cops weren't such tightasses about the whole thing.
i haven't posted anything about baseball yet, largely because it's not that kind of weblog, but for a little change of pace, here we go.  i am really looking forward to this year's baseball season.  my cardinals have been through a lot of turmoil through the offseason, but i feel the makings of a great year.  in fact, i see a good baseball year in general, for a lot of teams (and i see a few of them crashing and burning, like the overspending blue jays and the underspending marlins).  i am something of a recent convert to the redbird nation, having only paid them close attention for about three years, but baseball has long been my favorite sport to watch.  that said, i really didn't watch anything but the world series for several years.  that has changed, and now i watch as much baseball as i can without breaking down and getting cable (still holding strong ten years in!) and listen to the radio for those games i can't see.
go cards
fuck bush

24.2.06

a non-believer's prayer

still no word from those bastards on the supreme court (which is better than a regular court, because it's got pepperoni, sausage, green peppers, and mushrooms).
 
dear god i have trouble believing in, please give me the strength to push through these turbulent times we're living in.  if the rest of the country, nay, world is patient enough, those warmongering neo-cons are going to self destruct very soon.  i know it won't take away all of the problems that they will leave behind, but at least there's some chance they won't add to them too much.
in your infinite (and dubious to me personally) wisdom, i know you will be able to help the people of iraq out of a near certain civil war.  i know that you will watch over us (as much as a probably fictional entity can) to protect us from evildoers trying to ship weapons through our frighteningly under-prepared ports.  and someday, with your help and (purely hypothetical) guidance, we may see the light at the end of the tunnel.  my (doubting) prayer is that some time in the relatively near future, we can go back to arguing about big government vs little government or other saner (and safer) things to worry about, as opposed to arguing about whether gays should count as three-fifths of a person, and other such religion-beating folderol that does an excellent job of keeping the poor looking the other way while the rich fuck them (sorry about the language, but i assume you have bigger things to worry about).
and if it's not too much to ask, coming from a pretty serious agnostic, could you make sure siouxs! and bootsy are healthy while we're in the home stretch here?  i might just change my tune on the whole "is there a you" question once bootsy is born and we need some help.
thanks for reading my blog, and i guess the reason you don't show up on my statcounter is that you're bigger than the internet.
fuck bush.
amen

23.2.06

abort the red states

i've determined why it's hard to be a liberal from a conservative region.  i have all of these feelings of social responsibility, yet none of the abhorrence of violence that we left wingers are supposed to have.  while i myself am not that violent a person, i'd love to see the bush administration lawyer i heard on the radio this morning (dancing around the point that the executive branch could make any decision it wanted to in "wartime") have his throat ripped out by wild dogs.  or me.  whichever.
 
and south dakota, lovely state that it is, is doing everything it can to bring us back to the seventies.  while disco and godawful clothing might still be the rage up there, what they've really done is outlaw abortion, forcing the newly minted neocon supreme court to make a ruling on the laws constituionality.  can't we just give both of the dakotas to canada?  we'll give puerto rico and d.c. statehood, just to stay at an even fifty.
 
i would be all for this plan, but there are way too many states i would want to get rid of.  hell, i live in one of them.
 
for the record, i'm done with stupid baby class.  there's twelve plus hours i'll never get back, but at least it's over.
 
fuck south dakota.

22.2.06

just one more push

you know those "bulldozer" machines they have at some arcades?  they've got an ostensibly flat tray with a big pile of quarters being pushed toward the edge.  you drop your own quarter in at what you think is an appropriate time, and hopefully, some quarters drop and you get either a bunch of quarters (if it's cool) or a bunch of tickets (if it's lame).
that's what the neocons' situation feels like to me right now.  if we can just drop the right thing into the right place, it all comes tumbling down.  the fallout would be enormous, and those who've put themselves most on the line (ie bush, cheney, rove, rumsfeld, rice, mcclellan, etc.) will fall the hardest.
i got an urge this morning to run for some office on the "full disclosure" ticket.  i could be relatively immune to scandals if i air my own dirty laundry first, then point out that theirs' is still worse...
 
fuck bush, cheney, rove, rumsfeld, rice, mcclellan, etc.

21.2.06

another cry for sanity

can someone please explain to me why we've been holding afghan "suspected terrorists" in guantanamo for years now (who are in reality probably only people who pissed off their neighbors) and torturing them, but now we're letting the united arab emirates, a country with more easily defined ties to terrorism, run our ports?  i mean, i guess we were only checking about one out of one hundred containers that came into the country anyway, so let's just let the u.a.e. and their billions in oil money jump right in there.
here's a thought... why don't we put iraq in charge of the ports?  i mean, the current iraqi administration is pretty friendly to us on the whole (wink, wink), and i bet we could weed out the insurgents with a careful applicant screening process (question 1: how many i.e.d.'s have you made in the last three years?).  it might also help them make some money to get out of the staggering debt they're in.
i've got another idea.  let's put the saudis in charge of our airlines!  17 of 19 hijackers agree that saudi extremists keep their heads under pressure better than other fundamentalists.
what about yemen for our merchant marines?
north korea for our border patrol?
 
outsourcing... the (oppressor's) wave of the future.
 
fuck bush.
 

20.2.06

let it all hang over and out

i woke up this morning still drunk.  this has got to stop happening.  my liver took the night off again, as it seems to do pretty frequently when i get into the rum.  i really, really like rum, but i'm afraid last night represented a kind of last hurrah for a while.  i don't want to get out of drinking shape, and it's not like i'm quitting, i just need to keep it within certain limits for a while, like for example sticking to beer.  rum is real good, though.
on a lighter note, i threatened to commit double homicide this morning because my two co-workers kept taunting me with thoughts of bacon.  i finally got to fill this hangover stomach, and i'm feeling better, but not great.
fuck bush.

19.2.06

geekdom complete?

siouxs! has pointed out to me that i'm gettign older, a fact of which i was delightfully unaware for far too long.  my hearing has been less than great for most of my life, and i'm too afraid to get a hearing aid and hear the loud ass world i've been missing.  i long ago resolved to be damned near deaf before i'd get a hearing aid.  i mean, my grandfather was always such a source of family comedy, how could i deprive my children and grandchildren of so much entertainment.
no, siouxs! is half deaf too.  it wasn't that.  we'll just continue to turn our movies up loud as hell and disturbing the neighbors.
what she pointed out to me was the i might need to have my eyes checked. 
i can't remember the first time she said as much, but it was only a few weeks ago.  the second time was more emphatic, and i can remember it a lot better.  last week at stupid baby class, i couldn't read something on the teacher's big flip pad.  in my defense, it was written in red marker, but she could read it just fine, so i conceded that i may at least need to go see what the professionals have to say.
now, don't think i have a problem with wearing glasses (and not contacts, unless i have to for an acting role i'm too lazy to audition for).  as a matter of fact, i wore glasses (with clear lenses) for a while because i thought they made me look smarter (jackass vanity, i know).  i just have a problem with needing glasses.  i would feel dependant on something.  anything.  i hate feeling dependant on anyone or anything, and have since i was a teenager.  wearing glasses to me is like constantly having to borrow money from my mom.  neither one is desireable.
whatever, i haven't even made the appointment yet.  i'll hold out while i can...
fuck bush.

16.2.06

a cool 40

i just chatted with my sister-in-law in boston while she was on break.  don't worry, i've already made fun of her for chatting with me on break when there should be any number of more interesting things to do.  she asked if i thought she should be drinking a 40 oz in the parking lot, which brought to mind one of my least favorite things about the stl: no forties.  for some inane reason (i.e. serious ignorance/racism running to the core), it is illegal to sell 40 oz. bottles of malt beverage in st. louis city or county.  when i need some mickey's or o.e. 800, i have to drive to illinois.  how am i supposed to get my buzz jump started without forty ounces of sweet, sweet malt liquor?  moreover, when i go to the doctor, i want to truthfully be able to say i usually have three or four drinks a night. 
 
fuck bush, but fuck francis slay, mayor of st. louis as well.

14.2.06

christmas in february

while i was home yesterday for the plumber and furnace guy, the mail came.  it included a present for siouxs! and bootsy, my modern drunkard magazine, and baseball tickets.  this means yesterday was the best the postal service has ever been to me in one day.
and on another uplifting note, the house should be back to a normal temperature by the time i get home today.  though we had a few fairly amusing moments with the space heaters and the circuit breakers, i prefer a more uniform warmth.
***************************************************
the asterisks represent my trip with the warehouse manager to an account, where he took our delivery van from our backup driver.  it seems his child has a fever, so he needed to get here to the hospital.  not that i'm doubting, but it does largely suck from everyone else's perspective.
 
fuck bush.
 
 

13.2.06

cheney shoots a guy directly, instead of sending in the armed forces

this is becoming laughable.
dubya is being raked over the coals by both sides of the pass the buck katrina debacle, and neither of his two appointees, brown or chertoff, is looking better for it either.
those abramhoff pictures are a real hoot, george.  way to convince people you don't know the guy at all.
demokkkrats and republikkkans alike are still asking questions about the domestic spying thing, and no one (including the public, who are sadly already bored with it) is satisfied with the "it's legal because we say it's legal" defense anymore.
dick "vader" cheney (thanks to liberal bloggers everywhere for that gem) told scooter to break the law and threaten national security by leaking about valerie.
and now he fucking shoots a guy.  this is great.  if we can't do something about these bozos now, we truly are too apathetic to deserve liberty.
 
on a more personal note, my pilot light is out on the furnace at the house, so it's cold as balls there.  the dogs will be fine, but it really needs to get fixed today.  my wife and fetus were freezing last night.
 
fuck bush, laclede gas, and my postman, who still hasn't brought my modern drunkard magazine. 

9.2.06

the return of sly

ok, i watched a few minutes of the grammys last night.  i had heard a rumor that sly stone was going to perform for the first time in years.  indeed, he did (for those who didn't see it), and it was amazing to see.  he was only on stage for a minute or two, though, and i for one, think it might have had something to do with the various jackasses butchering his music up until that point.  the man is a legend, and you put a bullshit american idol winner up there to do his music?  what was up with the black eyed peas frontman freestyling?  that was supposed to be a tribute, you shit.  the least he could've done was rhyme about sly stone.  anyway, i hope that isn't the last time we hear from sly.  seeing him on stage was spectacular.
 
tom delay has a new job on the appropriations committee.  great place for a guy with ethical deficiencies.  way to go, congress.
 
fuck bush.  and joe perry.

8.2.06

stupid baby class

we're in the home stretch regarding childbirth class (not exactly lamaze, but a close facsimile).  two more long fucking classes with sandra who i'm nt exactly fond of, but does at least provide a little unwitting comedy for us every class.  this week it was "booty-pressure," quickly translated to "butt pressure" for those of us who had never heard the term booty referring to anythining but pirate treasure before (ok, perhaps tetsuya and kaoru never had, but i can't be sure how much of the non-idiom english they're actually getting... thank god they have that pocket translator).  there was also the classic "ok, dads, you can be either in front of her or behind her for this one.  i prefer... either one."  it's good she specified, as i intended to try something wholly different, perhaps laying right on siouxs! and the baby-belly.
 
bootsy is laying sideways we think.  there's still plenty of time for turnin', but we're hoping sooner rather than later to lessen the number of things to worry about.  sandra says we can chase "him" around with frozen vegetables, but why set up pickiness so early in (pre-)life?
 
pitchers and catchers start spring training next friday.  i'm too excited for baseball again to even explain about it.
 
i know i've said it before, and then it didn't amount to much, but the republikkkans seem to be on the ropes, awaiting the knockout blow from whatever progressive willing to deliver it.  get in there, demokkkrats!  when you become the new conservative party, real liberals will stand a chance of forming a more effective party in your wake.
 
fuck alberto gonzales.
 
 

6.2.06

critter issues

yesterday, while standing in my kitchen, my dog elektra made a leap at the ceiling at what i assumed would turn out to be one of the two flies that have taken up winter residence in our house to provide the dogs with entertainment.  when i looked up at the stupid flourescent light in our stupid drop-tile ceiling, i saw the very distinct outline of a mouse scurrying across the light.
it wasn't in our food, so that's good.  however, i hate mice.  the revulsion i have towards mice is only marginally smaller than my problems with rats (which thankfully have never been inside of any house i lived in to my knowledge).  to see one over my head makes me think of the fact that one could fall on my head, and that's not a thought i can fully deal with.
mice outside are fine.  mice inside my space (especially the kitchen) not so much.
please, all you rodent lovers out there, this applies to gerbils, hamsters, and countless other foul little paddy-footed beasts people try to pass off as pets.  keep the little fuckers out of my house.
superbowl was fun, but some of the worst officiating i've seen in a game i had no personal stake in.
somehow, it was a republikkkan thing.  fuck them sons of bitches.

4.2.06

crisis averted

i received a message from a fellow member of the modern drunkard magazine message board yesterday.  it seems my questions for our fearless leader sparked  quite a conservative backlash from one person, which officially qualifies me as being "contraversial." 
 
i'd like to point out that i am happy to read any criticism or questions about the opinions expressed in this blog.  there's a link at the top of the page to e-mail me (questions?  comments?  death threats?).
 
i'd also like to point out that, though this person was toeing the republikkkan party line, i have no less respect for (i'll assume gender here) him.  it won't stop me from having a drink with anyone, i'll just refuse to talk politics with them.  my politics bring out my passions, and anytime i don't want to get into a screaming match, i try to keep them to myself (ex. the last time i talked politics with my aunt).  i don't kid myself into thinking i could ever run for office, because when confronted with neo-con dogma, the profanity that spews forth from me makes sailors and my aunt jerry blush.
 
that said, x, feel free to express your opinions to me again sometime, as i'll feel quite free to say fuck that bastard motherfucker bush and everyone in his administration whose name i know (and probably some i don't, but i'll wait to pass judgement until i hear them lie to me).

2.2.06

it's in their blood

rigging elections, that is.
 
 
the republican vote today for the new house majority leader didn't exactly go off without a hitch.  first go round, there were more votes than there were republikkkans present...